I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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