don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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