the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
