I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize