Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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