He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
