Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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