My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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