the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
