So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
