she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
