They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
