fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize