lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
