I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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