you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
