i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
