I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
