i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
