Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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