I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
