That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
