u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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