i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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