I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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