New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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