3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
