what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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