No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize