Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
