Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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