hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
