Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
