Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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