this just has baby written all over it
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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