separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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