it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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