last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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