Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
