that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
