you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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