I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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