I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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