The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
