Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
