Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
