Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
