Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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