The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
