He uses pillows to masturbate.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
