It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
