Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
