If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
