you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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