i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
