nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Drunk is a universal language darling
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
