haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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