508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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