U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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