two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
