After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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