My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
