I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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