last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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