Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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