I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
