so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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