DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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