i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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