I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
