Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
