were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize