New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
